


The West Fic

by Banana_west



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-01 12:26:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5205833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Banana_west/pseuds/Banana_west





	1. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

It was a nice evening in London, Dan and Phil were doing netflix and Phil.  "Phil, is there any Kanye West related shows?" Dan whispered to Phil "I'm sorry Danny, but no." "Then I don't wanna Netflix and Phil" Phil thought might as well just go straight to the fucking.  Phil started to kiss Dan as he rubbed tomatos on his nipples. Dan started to moan slightly as the word "Kanye" left his mouth.  "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING, IM NOT KANYE!" Phil said as he ripped Dans clothes off.  "But I'm only allowed to fuck Kanye its my religious beliefs! Its called Kanyeist.". Phil then went to the drawer and pulled out a special box. " W-what's in the box phil?". Phil looked at Dan and started smirking he slowly lifted the lid and dumped the contents which included The West Lube, a Kanye West mask, and a pill shaped as Kanye West's face.  "P-please fuck me Kanye West.". Phil quickly took the pill and put on the Kanye West mask. "What's the pill for Kanye?" Dan whispered. Soon phils whole body started to glow and he ripped off all his clothes.  Soon Dan laid his eyes on the most bootyful thingy ever.  Phil's dick had transformed into Kanye West. Dan was staring so much, he licked his lips. He then saw Kanye West's face appear. Dan was mesmerised. He started fingering himself with The West Lube onto the sight letting out little moans. He wanted more so he kissed the dick thinking it was Kanye's face. Kanye West let out a moan at the kisses.  He started to moan but  Dan suddenly stopped and looked up at Phil.  "Phil before I do this I have one thing to say.  No homo."  Dan went back and started to suck Kanye West, Phil and Kanye moaned at the same time.  " Da-Daaaan." Phil moaned, "Kiiiiim." Kanye moaned. Dan stopped and started to tear up.  "How dare you Kanye I thought we had something special, I have been stalking you for months!" Dan started to slightly cry while saying. "P-p-plus I will always have a better booty than Kim will ever have." Phil started to kiss Dan and Dan soon stopped crafting. Soon Phil turned Dan around and said "Are you ready for Big Daddy!" Dan replied with a moan. Phil started to reach for The West Lube but instead quickly pulled out a whisk.  Before Dan could stop Phil, the whisk was already in his ass.


	2. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

When Phil shoves the whisk up Dan's ass, Phil didn't know that the whisk still had some cocaine from the latest video Halloween baking: pumpkin spice pumpkin cookies, the cocaine soon traveled up to his heart. The cocaine mixed with Dan's love for shrek, and his body started to shake as Dan slowly turned into his loving senpai Shrek. Dan didn't know but Phil secretly had a shrek fetish. Phil was getting so horny he couldn't help but moan right then and there. He let out the sexiest moan and Dan couldn't take it and started to moan as well. As he was moaning Phil repeated "Shrek is love, Shrek is life." Everything was to much for Phil as he started to cum out pumpkin guts. Dan soon started to cum pumpkin spice cookie, once Dan had cum he slowly started to turn back to normal. Phil's dick which was still kanye west slowly started to turn back to normal as well kanyes last words were "Vote for Kanye 2020. Yeezus."

Once Dan and Phil were dressed they heard a knock on the door. Phil got up and opened it to see a house plant, Phil started to fangirl and rushed to see where to place it. Little did Phil know that it was a meme plant. The specialist plant of all!


	3. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Phil placed the plant in the corner of his living room and he watered it everyday as usual. Dan and Phil were both sitting on the couch and Phil looked over to the house plant and started getting horny. He let out a moan and Dan looked at him confused. He looked over to where Phil was looking at, after seeing he was staring at the house plant he bit his lip at the sight of Phil getting horny. Dan also had a fetish that no one knew about. He had a Malteasers fetish. That candy did so many wonderful things to him and turned him on so much he would let out moans like crazy. He always hid some so Phil won't find them. Suddenly Phil started to get hungry and he thought his new plant deserved a snack, Phil quickly ran to the kitchen and something caught his eyes, a red wrapper, Phil went and opened a box which was hidden in the corner of the kitchen, then he slowly started to open the box which was full of malteasers and Dan's cereal. Phil was to distracted with the box that he couldn't hear Dan screaming for help. As Phil started to go back, he noticed Dan and his house plant being attacked by Phil's other plants, he dropped the Malteasers and ran to his new house plant, then he saw his old house plants all had the face of Kanye and his new plant which had the face of a PEPE. Phil quickly grabbed a knife and stabbed the Kanye faced plants, the plants crafted, dying slowly and had Malteasers spilling out of them. Dan sudden let out a loud moan. Phil turns around to see Dan pantsless and shoving the malteasers up his ass. The meme plant quickly turned back to normal, and the Pepe meme came to life. Phil and Pepe went to Dan and started helping him. After Dan had 3,000 malteaser up his ass, Kanye's soul started to attack Phil. Dan started to shoot the candy out his ass and quickly killed kanye and Phil. The poor living meme was sad that Phil died because his dank memes were too much. Doot came from the attic and stabbed Dan.  
~~~~~(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)~~~~~  
Dan was awaken to Phil humping his body

(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	4. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Dan looked at Phil questionably "Phil where are we?" Phil stopped humping him and looked up saying "Oh I thought you where dead.... ANYWAYS welcome to hell I've been here for 30 minutes and Satan is great" Phil grabbed Dan's arm and dragged him to an elevator Phil quickly press the 1st floor and you could softly hear music playing you used to call me on cell phone late night when you need my dank memes and I know when that hotline memes. The elevator doors opened and Dan knew he was in hell there was a huge TV playing something Dan wished he could forget ..... His first video. "Hi I'm (╯°□°）╯[Dan] " and Satan was right by the TV . Dan ran as fast as he could as Phil slowly followed he walked up to satan (aka Brendon urie (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and yelled "f8 me m8 u wot" Dan quickly pushed him down and he fell in the dark pits of hell "well now that that's taken care of what you wanna do Phil " Phil look at Dan and said " hawt butt sex in hell ;)" "fil no we cant m8" "why not danyul" Phil looked at Dan all Phil wanted was hawt butt sex why couldnt Dan understand ;~; "fine I shall have hawt butt sex with myself" Phil said walking away. Dan just looked at Phil like he was crazy sure he had a big dick but not big enough for him to fuck himself . But then again Phil had a pretty big dick. Phil quietly sat on the floor with his arms crossed and pouting. Dan looked at his smol Lil bean. Phil's eyes suddenly rolled back and he said "WILL YOU HAVE HAWT BUTT SEX WITH SATAN HUH" Phil then turned back to normal and stood up looking at Dan and saying " hope you have fun peace out Lil fuck" Dan was shocked why did Phil say that he quickly ran off to but the elevator closed on his face. The elevator open once again but Phil was gone , Dan pressed all the buttons hoping to find he Philly ;~; . after 3 floors it opened and Phil was in a room. Dan walked behind him noticing Phil was trying to cut off his dick "PHIL WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOURE GONNA DIE ARE YOU CRAZY " Dan screamed pulling the scissors out of phils hand. " we can't die if we're already dead Dan " Phil looked at Dan confused. "Plus you said 'fil no we cant m8' when I asked you to have hawt but sex with me and I told you I would fuck myself"phil looked at Dan "Phil it was in a sarcastic way god Phil do you not know me bloody hell" "hehehe we are in hell Dan"


	5. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Once Phil's dick grew back and he had his pants on, Bill Nye was at the door "Hello can I clean your carpet?" Bill asked "Aren't you supposed to be doing science or some shit?" Bill looked at Dan shocked "No I quit that job a long time ago, I'm now Bill Nye the vacuum guy." oh and my buddy, Mr.Tol, is in the van waiting tho." Dan and Phil looked at each other confused "Umm, sure come inside." Phil said eyeing Bill Nye carefully "Thanks, I'll be in here in like 1 min." Bill nye came in and wasted 3 hours teaching Dan and Phil the basics of vacuuming. After Bill Nye carefully dropped drugs on Dan and Phil's carpet, Mr.Tol came back and they ran off. Before Bill left he said to Dan "You're trying to lick my face, I'll bite your ear, I do it yes I will." Phil looked at Bill with much hatred. When Bill left Phil yelled at Dan "WE BEEN HERE FOR LIKE A DAY AND WE CANT HAVE HAWT BUTT SEX BUT YOU CAN LICK BILL NYES FACE?" Dan looked at Phil while saying "I would never do that to you Phil, I don't even know who Bill is." Phil slowly calmed down and said "I luv you Dan." Dan loved Phil as well but if he said it back it would ruined his reputation of no homo Howell. So he was like that's cool bro. Phil felt hurt, it was probably Bill Nye you've got to kill him. A voice said in the back of phils head. Phil start to call Bill Nye "Umm Bill, I had a question on the vacuum." Bill was in the house in no time giving Dan facts of bed bugs, skin cells, and vacuums. Once Bill was going to leave, Phil grabbed a peace of the vacuum and choked him and Bills last words were "Bill Nye the vacuum guy bILL BiLL bIll BILL!" and then BAMN he was dead. Phil dragged his body outside and shoved a stake in Bills heart with the words R.I.P Bill Nye the Science/Vacuum guy and sent it to Satan.


	6. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

While Satan was enjoying the gift, Dan and Phil where finally alone. They looked at each other eyes skimming over each others bodies. Phil's erection was showing. Dan could tell. He smirked staring at it. "Phil is that a banana or is that your dick?" Dan said in a sexy way. Phil soon reached to unbutton his pants and pulled out a HUGE banana, opening it and taking a bite. "PHIL where did you get that huge big ripe banana?!?!" Dan asked, very curious. Phil still eating the banana pointed at a house plant with bananas growing out of them. As Dan went to reach for a banana he was sure he heard Phil moan quietly, Dan opened the banana and he realized they where shaped as dicks and that Phil was not eating the banana but deep throating it. Suddenly the bananas burnt and phil said "Satan invited us to his party, he said because he felt Victorious ." Soon Dan and Phil got ready and headed out of their home. They didn't even know what it was, it was just an empty black room, just like Dan's soul. When they went to the party Phil and Dan soon got drunk from having to many COCKtails called the Phil and the Dan (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Dan grabbed Phil's hand and ran to Satan who was making out with someone named Ryan? At least that what Dan thinks he was called "Heeeeeeyyyy Brendon whyyy don't we go have funnn?" Dan slurred and quickly phil grabbed them with the hand that was on his chest. The four boys went into a room and Brendon told them he knew a way to have more fun, he pulled out a dead corpse from a box. It was Bill Nye the vacuum guy and his friend Mr.Tol. Soon Dan, Phil, Brendon, Ryan, and the dead corpses of Mr.Tol and Bill had some very intense six-some. After the sex train which was Brendon fucking Ryan who was fucking dead Bill who was fucking Mr.Tol who was fucking Phil who was fucking Dan, in this fucking train of fucking fun fuck. Soon there was a cumation. Dan cummed holy water which made Phil cum his pumpkin seeds which caused Mr.Tol not to come cuz he dead but Bill did cum spiders, that soon left Bills dick and crawled inside of Mr.Tol. Ryan soon cumed out milk and Satan of course had cumed out broken dreams as they started to burn the corpses and put on the clothes. As Brendon was looking for his pants he stepped on Dan's holy cum and started to fall backwards and his body disappeared. Ryan was beyond angry that had Dan killed his boyfriend and he tried to attack Dan. Phil who was fearful of his danny dying, he started to mind fuck Dan as Dan cumed out holy water on Ryan as Phil came pumpkin seed, the mix between the two boys caused hamsters to appear and attack Ryan. Brendon opened the door to see the commotion happening in the room and quickly shut the door and was gonna go bang a grandma. Ryan soon ran after him leaving Dan and Phil and 30 hamsters. "So Phil what are we gonna do with all these hamsters? Tsk tsk, I guess we could shove them somewhere for safe keeping perhaps yo-" Dan suddenly stopped as he saw Bill Nye's body crawl out of the fire and opened his mouth and a black abyss sucked up all the hamsters."I guess that will do." Phil said walking out of the room, leaving Dan dissatisfied that he wasn't able to shove the hamsters up Phil's ass. Dan walked back to his home in hell, sighing as he opened the door "What's wrong babe?" Phil questioned kissing Dan on the lips "Oh I Don't know God Phil maybe its cuz I'm drunk as fuck and I just wanted to make a sex tape or maybe shove some hamster up that amazing ass of yours." Dan sighed once again "Maybe I could become famous by having a sex tape... Just like Kim K, to be honest Phil I wish that sex tape was with Kanye because then I might have been able to fap to that video you get me I always wanted to see kanyes dick. I bet it's amazing!" Phil looked at Dan and said "Eh my dick is more amazing, I AM Amazing Phil ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ but okay?"  
As the night ended Phil and Dan where cuddling as Dan could only imagine a sex tape of Kim and Kanye or maybe just a dick pic from Kanye. As Phil thought of how Dan wanted to see Kanye's dick when Phil had an amazing dick, and Phil himself was amazing why would he want to see Kanye's when Phil is the full package?


	7. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

As I woke up and went to the bathroom I looked into the mirror and said what I always tell myself before I start my day "Today I Daniel James Howell will be the dankest meme ever alive. But... will my memes ever be dank enough? Will my Pepes ever be rare enough? Will I ever have enough Doge. Of course I will, you're Daniel Howell. JUST DO IT, DONT LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS!" I start to realize that I yelled that and probably woke up Phil. I start to slowly turn around and I see Phil. He opens his mouth and whispers "Thanks Pete." Phil just stares at me smirking and I look at him, saying one thing "Memes M8" oh wait that was two ;_; "Dan I think we need new merch in the shop." (a/n www.danandphilshop.com ) "Phil I have an idea... How about we dress up and try to look like strippers for a calendar?" "That's an AMAZING (Phil) idea Dan! Let's start right now!" They start to walk out of their place and to a photographer named Shrek. Soon they got dressed up in 12 different outfits, one of them being police officers "Kinky." Dan saying winking at Phil. Phil looks at Dan (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜). They then remember that Shrek was there and started to pose Phil holding the handcuffs the way you would see someone in a porno hold them. Shrek then quietly says "I ship it." while taking the photo and then a big light flashes and BaMN, Shrek is gone. Leaving them with the photos. The FBI bust in quacking "PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR TRYING TO BE A STRIPPER!"  
"Dude you've got it all wrong, it's for a new calendar we're making, and don't worry we are YouTubers not strippers." Dan tells the officer. The officers agree and walk out. Dan turns to see Shrek naked, jacking himself off. Dan and Phil looked at each other with their eyebrows raised. Shrek looks at them and says "You guys are so perfect for each other it makes me want to have cheeky bum secks." Shrek starts pumping harder as Dan starts developing a bulge in his pants. Phil notices and strokes Dan's bulge. Dan looked at Phil "Not now Phil, we have to finish recording PINOF 7" Dan leans and whispers in Phil's ear. Shrek walks behind Dan whispering "Cum on Dan... After all Shrek is love Shrek is life." As Phil turns around to go look at some plants. Shrek continues to speak "Come on Dan let's leave Phil behind, come on, I'll let you be top." Dan turned to Shrek with a smile. He has been a bottom all his life, he wanted a change, he wanted to be top for once. Once Shrek and Dan were alone Shrek pushed Dan on the bed "I LIED HOE M8 HAHAHAH YOU WILL NEVER BE A TOP YOUR A BOTTOM AND WILL ALWAYS BE A BOTTOM." Dan felt hurt that his idol just told him that. He cried French Fries. Shrek being hungry grabbed one and ate it. Dan looked up smiling evilly "Oh Shrek... Oh poor Shrek, those fries are made out of my tears and acid." Shrek starts to choke feeling his insides start to burn as he falls to the ground. Dan picks up the bodies throwing it out the window in a box saying "Shrek costume 4 free." As he starts to walk up to Phil while feeling very proud "Hey Philly lets finish recording PINOF 7."

~~~~~during PINOF 7~~~~  
I start to moan after being covered in Phil's red juices. I get up pausing the camera. "Oh no Phil, looks like you gave me a boner we can't continue the video like this, remember we aren't coming out till 2022." Dan starts smirking. Phil pushes Dan on the bed "Talk dirty to me." Dan tells Phil "I heard what you and Shrek did. HA you Dan... Dan Howell a top? In your dreams! "Phil says whispering into Dans ear. Dan opens his month to speak but Phil's mushroom was already in his mouth. "WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN?!?!" Dan and Phil hear someone or something quack. They open the door in the middle of their kinky stuff "Oh no please." Dan and Phil say at the same time. Soon Dan passed out alongside Phil.


	8. (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Dans pov  
I was awaken to the sound of someone walking I look up noticing Phil was net to me tied up with pineapples??(frank eyyy). "So do you want to play some games " A strange sexy voice said. Both dan and Phil look up to see barney and Yoshi?? "Aren't you guys like fake or ....." Dan stated looking at Yoshi and barney with a wtf look. "Smh no we are as real as phan" Yoshi said looking at both of them deeply. "So..um can you let us go then"Phil whispered. Yoshi and barney glared at each other as if think about what to do "nah we like to keep you guys locked up after all didn't you Do that to DOOT" barney states glaring at Dan straight into the eyes. Then banrey and Yoshi ran upstairs to go eat Mario Cuz he a bitch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

crankthatfrank read our phanfic and we died ;_;


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